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September 2008 |
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Families struggle to find common ground |
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Saturday, 23 December 2006 |
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By KRISTIN REICHARDTStaff Writer Marleen Schulze says as long as she speaks with her sonregularly, she worries a little less. "One time it took him a little longer than a week to call,and I told him 'Try not to do that,''' said the mother of Jason Schulze, 20, who is stationed in Iraq with the Army National Guard Reserves.
Marleen Schulze said communicating with her son, who is a2004 Botkins High School graduate, is less frustrating than sheanticipated. "I'm real pleased he can actually call as much as he can,"she said in a telephone interview Friday. "Of course, it'sfrustrating that I can't call him. If there's something I do reallywant to tell him I can do it by e-mail." Despite the ability for soldiers to e-mail or telephonefamily and friends during deployment, the distance and nature of separation can cause frustrations. "There is a little bit of that because I always feel likethere's a little bit of a security thing," Marleen Schulze said. "Idon't feel like he's real open when he calls us. Part of it is, Ithink, that he really just wants to hear about home." Marleen Schulze said she, her husband, Dave, her 5-year-old daughter, Renae, and Jason's twin, Keith, try to keep their conversations positive and upbeat. "They need you to be positive when you talk to them," Marlene Schulze said. "They know you care for them and you're worried about them but they don't always need to hear about it all the time. Just give them the bright spots, that's what my husband and I decided we were going to do." The Schulzes also have a 19-year-old son, Mitchell, who recently finished training for the Army National Guard Reserves. "I don't want to have both of them over there at the same time," Marleen Schulze said with a slight chuckle. "I guess with hearing from Jason on such a regular basis I'm OK. As long as he keeps calling I'm OK." Leo Anguay of Wapakoneta also said one of the best ways family and friends can support the soldiers is to refrain from accentuating the negative. For a year — from November 2005 until Nov. 9 -—Anguay and his wife, Dorie, juggled raising their two children, A.J., 20, and Shelby, 12, as well as cultivating their marriage of 13 years while she served in the Army National Guard stationed in Iraq. The most difficult aspect for Anguay was not being able to be deployed with his wife, the 21-year veteran of the Army National Guard said in a telephone interview Friday. "She was in my unit while we lived in Hawaii," Anguay said,adding the couple met while serving together. "Now this is the hardpart — she told me she's afraid for me not being there, because whenever my unit went, both of us went together. It's just different for her because I'm not there to watch her back. "It was hard for me, too, because I actually couldn't face it that she was leaving without me," he said. "She couldn't understand that I had a hard time facing her because I wasn't going to be with her." As the spouse who remained at home, the Hawaii native said he struggled most emotionally and mentally, although the couple communicated nearly every day via e-mail. "I don't have any family here, so I couldn't go and I couldn't call my sister or my brother and say, 'Hey, I'm having a bad week, can I come stay over?' " Anguay said. While his wife was in Iraq, Anguay said he spent most of the year renovating his downstairs rooms to keep his mind off of her absence.Though the channels of communication were easily opened, Anguay said he and his wife became frustrated at how little they were allowed to say at time due to tight security on both telephone calls and e-mails. "You have to understand that they can not mention anything unless it's already been out there in the public," he said. "We had away of kind of reading between the lines because she couldn't come out and say it directly." As time passed, Anguay said the couple avoided struggling to make conversation because they focused on discussing the routine of daily life. He said problems arose when he would talk about issues at home and his wife did not want to discuss the problems. "In the beginning she would call me a lot, and as time went it would taper off to maybe twice a month only because she doesn't want to hear the bad things that were going on over here," Anguay said. "If I had a problem with a phone bill or anything, she didn't want to hear about it." He said another struggle was acclimating back into a routine once Dorie Anguay returned home. "I think every soldier came back in a different way," Anguay said. "Some of them couldn't handle the change of life. Maybe someof them they couldn't handle the changes in their spouse, their kids. To be honest, she needed some space. "I felt I was pushed away but I did understand where it was coming from." For friends and family struggling with how best to support and communicate with their friends and loved ones serving oversees, a military official said to remain positive and focus on daily life. "It's just communication between friends," said a staf fsergeant at the U.S. Army recruiting station in Lima. "It's just an everyday thing you have to do." |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 27 December 2006 )
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| | ...I love the "small town" charm and sense of community I feel when I run into my father at Community Market or my Mother-in-Law at Walmart or one of my sisters at the gas station! Tracy Anderson - Wapakoneta
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